Friendship

At the age of 21 (and a few days), I am not expecting myself to face this kind of problem anymore. Well this has always been one of my consistent and persistant problem during highschool *roll eyes* , tapi bila dah 21, shouldn't I have my best-est circle of friends already? That was what I thought when I was in highschool. Okay takpe nanti dah habis sekolah masuk uni semua, jumpa la kawan yang betulbetul kawan kan. And new friends yang akan dijumpa tu, boleh la kawan je macam biasa takan la ada perasaan tanak kawan dengan org kan, dah besar kan. 

That was my thinking, I can confidently say when I was 16-17 years old. The most critical period  that I experience untuk cari and stick to kawan yang betukbetul faham and boleh terima kita. And it was hard back then, sebab duduk asrama kan. And we see each other everyday, kalau memang tak kawan tu memang tak cakap pandang pon taknak, tak ke depressed tu. Dah la kena jumpa harihari ceh.

Little did I knew that human stays human no matter at what age. Human's feeling are the same.

Now, so hard for me to cope with my surrounding. Feel all alone and lonely. Ada je orang di sekeliling, but it's just we're lack of communication. And it has been quite some time, enough time to create a space and gap between us. There was a person who I used to just knock on her door and lantak pi la aku nak duduk bilik kau. But not anymore. Rasa terhegeh sangat kot. Haha and tanak la dia rasa terbeban nak kena entertain aku lulz Takde la perlukan entertainment apa sangat pon, it's just, you know, the feeling of having  someone in the same space as you are, tak payah nak bercakap pon. Just being in the same space and do own's work.

Plus my thought now are not really rational -.-
I lost my rationality, insanity, being indecisive and being paranoid like most of the time. I should not feel this way tho. But it's just so hard. Not that you purposely want to think and act that way, tapi tu la, susah nak ubah, Then here I am ranting how I fell when people left me out and rasa terpinggir sensorang *facepalm*

Okay enough for me.
I just had this thought for quite long time already (yang di atas). I told some of my close friends (2 orang je sebenarnya, and one just know half of the story and another one knows another half HAHA)

I ran into one of my bestfriend's blog (today, just now), and what she wrote in just break my heart. Like literally break. Break into pieces jatuh berderai atas jalan haa centu. So sad to think that we are not as close as before, ni pon peranan komunikasi jugak, less communication create the gap duh. It's not her fault that she think that way, I will think the same too if I am in her shoes.

So funny that we do have the same thought when these things happens. It is not that we want to distant ourselves from other people sangat pon, tapi kami nak orang lain sedar kewujudan kami. So if the keep our distant and others realise, means that they do kinda sayang kita sbnrnya kan?

 And we dont want to susahkan orang lain untuk fikir pasal kami. Like, our emotion selalu terumbang ambing, and consequently akan effect orangorang di sekeliling yang rapat dengan kita. And kitorg tanak orang lain tu rasa serabut dengan perangai kitorang. Thus the solution is just to keep the distant supaya orang lain tak serabut dengan kita and kita pon tak serabut dengan orang lain jugak.

But there are times when we loongggg for a friend yang boleh share semua benda. And when this happens, we aint got anybody with us nowwww. HA HA PA DAN MU KA. Sape suruh tadi nak keep distant sangat kan.

notakaki : Building a wall around us to keep the sadness away, 

but not realising we keep the happiness away too.